Friday, November 20, 2015

ALONE

HOW COME NOBODY UNDERSTANDS ME..HOW DARE THEY SAY THAT M OVERREACTING...HOW CAN THEY JUDGE ME...WHY NOBODY UNDERSTANDS ME....WHY WHY WHY


FEELING SO ALONE...NO FRIENDS TO SHARE BECAUSE NOBODY UNDERSTANDS ME....

MY OWN MOTHER SAID HOW COME NOBODY IN THE FAMILY HAS PROBLEM AND ONLY YOU HAVE IT...SHE TOLD ME TO STOP OVER REACTING' AND SOLVE EVERYTHING SCIENTIFICALLY..JUST BECAUSE I HAVE GRADUATED DOESNT MEAN I KNOW HOW TO GET PREGNANT.....
 AND FOLLOW HER ADVICE...: HER EXACT WORDS
1. EAT MORE VEGE (LIKE AM NOT EATING ENOUGH)
2. DRINK MORE WATER (HELLO 2.5L EVERY DAY)
3. EXERCISE (WORK, TIRED)
4. PRAY (I DONT BELIEVE IN GOD...NOT NOW...NOT EVER)
5. MEDITATE....THIS WILL HELP YOU TO CONCEIVE....MEDITATION CAN SOLVE PROBLEMS,,,,(HELLO AM I STUPID)
6. SEX....MORE SEX (I DONT KNOW WHAT SO SAY ANYMORE....)

AFTER LISTENING TO THIS SHIT.....I WAS PISSED...SO PISSED...JUST BECAUSE NOBODY IN THE FAMILY HISTORY HAS ANY FERTILITY PROBLEM DOESN''T MEAN I CANT HAVE THE PROBLEM,,,,WHAT KIND OF LOGIC IS THAT....SHE ALWAYS SEEMS TO THINK THAT I OVER THINK....FOR HER MY RESEARCHES ARE OVER THINKING. IF NOBODY IN MY FAMILY HAS CANCER AND I HAVE IT, SHE STILL WILL SAY DONT OVER REACT...ITS PROBABLY NOTING...AFTER ALL WE HAVE NO FAMILY HISTORY,.....IN HER MIND M A DONKEY....

JACK...MY PARTNER SEEMS TO THINK THAT WE CAN SOLVE OUR FERTILITY PROBLEM BY HAVING LOTS OF SEX... SEX CAN DEFINATELY GET ME PREGNANT...AFTER ALL EVERYONE IN HS FAMILY CAN HAVE KIDS AND SO DOES HIS FRIENDS...HOW COME ONLY WE HAVE PROBLEM....JACK SAYS THAT OUR SEX TECHNIQUE AND FREQUENCY IS NOT GOOD ENOUGH....NEED MORE...MORE SEX TO GET PREGNANT,...


M TIRED..TIRED OF EXPLAINING...TIRED ON FACING THIS ALONE...NOBODY..NOT ONE PERSON IS SUPPORTING ME.....ALONE



Monday, November 16, 2015

KL FERTILITY 3RD VISIT

As usual RED ZONE is here. No matter how hard we tried i can get pregnant. i can only dream of getting pregnant and watch Youtubers announcing their pregnancy online....SOOOOO JEALOUS......

WHY ME...AM JUST 26....was virgin until this Feb 2015. is this my punishment for being GOOD.

So to cut the chase i called clinic and made appointment for Nov 16, 2015

NOV 16, 2015 10.45a.m CYCLE DAY 3

Reached right on time and had to wait almost to an hour before it our turn. Went in had the usual vaginal scan and this time the right still shows 3 folliclers and the left has 2 folliclers. Total 5.

Straight away she said that i might have low ovarian reserve because:

  1. my hormones were way TOO HIGH for my age
  2. my folliclers are way TOO LOW for my age. 
She assigned me to take the following Tests:
  • Prolactin
  • Vitamin D 
  • AMH
And to have my Rubella shot (skip this months baby making session)....condom only 

And given DHEA 25mg (3 pills per day)

I said ok....because the test will show if my reserve is indeed low or i have some other problem. Went back to 4th floor to draw blood and submit at the reception. One of the test need to be sent to Taiwan and result after 2 weeks. 

If i suffer for Low Reserve then together with Jack's LOW SA = IVF + ICSI

Thanked the doctor and attend a session with one of the staff nurse explaining about IVF process and cost. Signed forms to start IVF if i indeed have LOW RESERVE.











Paid for consultation and left with VERY HEAVY HEART

RECEIPT
I was shocked but only for few minutes as i CAN have the chance to have a baby with IVF if i indeed had Low Reserve. Took me only few minutes to decided to pay for IVF with my saving just to have my BABY. The saving that took couple of years of being on strict budget and control. 

Jack on the other hand flat out refused to believe that we have problem and STRONGLY believes that we can be successful naturally by INCREASING our time together.....After all his and my mother both have 3 kids each naturally. He said the doctor are lying to get me do IVF for money..He doesnt want to waste his money on IVF..He rather spend on a new car (his exact words)

Of course i don't want to have any problem to begin with and conceive naturally but so far nothing. I have to do something...Find out why i am not pregnant and not just sit and wait for nature to take its course. Of course i want the doctor to see my result and say NORMAL...you can conceive normally. No need for treatment. But i have to consider that i might indeed have Low Reserve and I have the option to undergo IVF if i really want a BABY. 

Weather u are with or not, i am going to have my BABY, with or without you, JACK...

Its not you who needs to take all those pills
  • Iberet Folic 500
  • Vitamin C 500mg
  • Fish Oil 1000mg
  • Co-Q10 100mg
  • Primrose Oil 1000mg
  • Vitamin D 1000iu
  • DHEA 75mg
  • Maca 500mg
  • Royal Jelly 500mg
  • Bee Pollen 500mg
  • L-Arginine 500mg
All those IVF shots on tummy and all those vaginal scans...

And have all those side effects 

Not to mention 9 months of pregnancy and finally labour pain...

And i didnt ask you to pay JACK. I dont remember asking your help in payment department. Why are you soooo in DENIAL MODE...and just because nobody you know is having this problem doesnt mean we wont have any problem either....JUST KEEP YOUR MIND OPEN and do your research....

With or without you, i am going to have my baby. END OF STORY

So thats all my rambling for today. Until next time. TTFN